Dear future husband, (My perspective on dating/ relationship/ future spouses)

Disclaimer: I have a feeling this may be hard to read  and may receive some judgment because this is not a typical perspective in our world today, but it's my perspective and the only one I want.

Hey boy hey,

(Don't worry. I'm editing this so that I don't invade my personal boundaries on the interwebs. We'll talk more in the future. :P)

These thoughts have been a long time coming, and at some points were nearly given up on. I've had some clarity with the subject of you lately; and I want to write it down for us so that I can remind myself of it when I start to act up again. ;) We both know I lose focus pretty regularly.

Is it time yet?
I'm 27 now and the familia and friends think that I am not putting enough effort into finding you. They tell me not to be shy and that I just need a little practice with putting myself out there. Talking to boys has never been my strong suit and never will be. I'm very ok with that. I have a feeling you will be too.

 Many have tried to set me up in hopes of finding you, to no avail. Because of these efforts, I am extremely private about all "hey, I like you" situations. I've pursued some pretty half  hazard quasi-relationships with guys in hopes of figuring out who I was and what kind of a person I would want to spend most of my days with. Most, who did not understand my heart and did a crap job of taking care of it. A few, in particular, who did not value it and just used me to make themselves feel good. I knowingly accepted this because I thought that's what it took to date, put yourself out there, live with no regrets...and if I'm honest...it's very hard to wait for you for so long. Loneliness can be disheartening and seriously mess with your self esteem. I've been pretty foolish with who I've give pieces of my heart to with dating, and for that I'm sorry.

I love you, but I am not looking for you.
Let me explain.
I have prayed for you since I was a little girl. I have talked to God about you, most nights (with the exception of some angry and dark periods of my life in which, I closed my heart to the possibility of you). However, I never really hoped  for you or dreamed of you. When I was super young I would pray that God would keep you safe and remind you that I loved you. Slowly my prayers progressed into: help him to make wise choices, protect his heart, give him a good day, surround him with love, pleaseeeee help him to love music so I can respect him, keep dem hos away from my man, help him develop a deep love and passion for you, God, help him grow into a man that will lead me in my faith and change my flat tires. :) I didn't have a wedding planned out or dream of a beautiful wedding dress. I probably won't ever get real silly over that stuff either.
I'm the kind of girl that would accept a marriage proposal with a twisty tie on our way home from work. Amber says I shouldn't admit that and I might need to raise my standards on that one. Hah! She's probably right (thank God for wise friends, right?)

I don't believe in Prince Charming. Actually, I really don't like Prince Charming. He's dull, stuffy, and is way too prepster for me. Hah, sorry man. Don't get your panties in a wad. You're special to me and being that I am addressing this to future husband, I believe you are the only one for me. Someday I will choose you and you can be Prince Sometimes Charming. I anticipate that you're going to be more of my best friend and eternal #mcm. I like it when my married friends do that. I think it's too cute. To me you're not a hope or a dream, though. You are a promise. You are worthy of the sacred commitment I made to God when I was 16. One which I meant with my whole heart and will honor and keep until wedding time... and then it's so on. ;P  God put you in my heart when I was 7, and I believed that someday you'd show up in my life when it was time.

Because I'm not looking

So yeah, I'm working on building friendships. I've been trying to survive this big ol' dating world, man. Gettin' to know people slowly. It's a doozy. Silver lining is that I have some funny stories to share later on. Hopefully you do too. I like those. I'm not too concerned with your past. You are wonderful the way you are and hopefully your past has shaped you and made you into a person who you want to be.

This is probably awkward to bring up since I love you and all, but I'm waiting for you indefinitely. I'm not trying to find you. In the meantime, I might look a lot like someone who's chosen single life. Someone I love, who knows me extremely well, gave me some books about embracing single life last week and I have been enjoying them. A lot of good advice.  Hopefully I won't shut the door on the dating world, but it's pretty lame these days. I'm finding more happiness in my relationship with God, being a part of my community, my friendships, my family, even in the small victories in my job. I'm just not invested in looking for a person to complete me. Man translation: You will have to pursue me. Ha! I promise I won't play games, but I've done enough of the "Wanna go on a date?" over the last 11 years and I'm pretty over it. That mindset is total crap! Girls are too sensitive and vulnerable for that nonsense. We're precious and it's ok to wait for people who recognize that and want to treat you that way.

Today I was surrounded by so many old folks at this cool folk festival. I loved watching them interact. They are completely adorable. The thought occurred to me, what if I wait my whole life and meet someone when I'm in my 70's? That would be extremely precious, I think...and in the meantime I may just live a life full of purpose and be content with what God has give me.

Because I guess what I' trying to say

Is that I do have faith that you exist. Even though that has been extremely hard for me to admit lately. I like to believe I can do it all on my own...but really, God sends me people who pick up my slack all the time. Thanks God! In the meantime, enjoy your life! That's what I'm planning on doing! I'll meet up with ya later.


Love ya :)

Tiff