Lessons I'm Learning: Who I Want to Be

Dedicated to my future progenies  (that's True Blood talk for baby Vampires, but I just mean children). You probably don't exist yet (unless you're hanging out with another family right now) but I think about how much I love you often. I hope I do a half way decent job of living this out for future you. I promise it's important enough that I'm founding my life on it now.

First let's talk about role models. We all have them. Maybe they're celebrities, musicians, artists, authors, sport stars. Or maybe they're people in your life that mean a lot to you and you aspire to emulate.Who you choose to reflect can have a big impact on who you allow yourself to become and how you live your life.

When I was little, I had a role model, my momma. I dreamed of having a lovely voice like hers, being a mommy like her and mostly of being as beautiful as her. I wanted long hair, to wear pretty makeup, big girl shoes, and long swirly dresses that twirled when I would spin.

I really sought after this. I would dance around the house writing my own "songs". That's a generous description. Most of these "songs" were about kitties and doggies and were seriously lacking in substance. Also, I always had a baby doll in my hand that I was rocking and taking care of. My brother would steal them from me and smash their faces in. Which of course completely devastated me, until their faces would pop back out. I would sneak into mom's makeup when she was cooking dinner, put on her high heels and her swirliest dresses, and strut my little stuff with my hand on my hip around her room singing about my kitties and doggies. Do not be deceived by shy Tiffany. I've been known to work it. ;)

These sorts of activities carried on for quite some time. Sometimes even now, I enjoy "borrowing" from her closet and trying out her new makeup. Only now-a-days, it's more likely you'll see her borrowing an outfit from me. You're welcome, mom! 

I got older and the people I chose as role models changed. For a while it was the Pink Ranger, then it was Michelle Kwan, Miss Clavel, Sarah Plain and Tall, Meg from Little Women, News reporter April, Belle, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Ruth, Jeff the Girl, etc. etc. Can't say I picked out bad role models. Just always had some sort of standard in mind for myself that I saw in other people. In high school and college, I set my standards a little higher. It was Abigail Adams, oh and Hayley Williams (cause, duh).
I always told myself, "I want to be like ____________ some day"...and for whatever dumb reason, that motivated me in the moment to be someone different from myself. I still do this. Mostly with fashion bloggers, authors, musicians, friends, educators, etc., etc.

Maybe you can have an easier time with this issue than I do. That's great, congrats! Hah. I struggle with this a lot. I allow myself to believe I am not good enough and I'm always comparing myself to others.All this looking up to other people, geez. Kinda impossible to live up to...and kinda looks a little like envy. As ugly as that sounds. No matter how humble you try to be about it. Wanting what others have, is never a healthy way of living and frankly it's not want God wants for you. Has ya wondering what standard you're living your life...and wishing that you didn't always fall so short in comparison to others.

I was reminded of this after a discussion with a friend about my joy yesterday. This brilliant lady whose shoes I used to steal, said to me recently, "COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY." I'm pretty sure Teddy Roosevelt said it first, but it's cool, ma. This hit me hard today while I was driving home.
When you live in a way that you never allow yourself to be enough, you are stealing away your opportunity for joy. Scratch that, when you focus more on what you don't have and want, you are robbing yourself of the opportunity to experience God's joy NOW. There is so much beauty and joy in who God has created you to be and the experiences you may have now. Don't lose who you are in the future person you want to be. You don't need a pound of makeup, a rockstar voice or a fake accent to make you special. You already are. Just the way you are. *cue Bruno Mars. (Also, I just want to take time out to acknowledge that a fake accent would actually be extremely cool and I fully support you doing more of that. I will do one with you as well!)

All that being said, In Proverbs 31 the Bible  does talk about the kind of woman that is a pretty good gauge for us lady folk to pray about being like and seek after. She is a virtuous woman and she's the kind of gal that is a leader in her faith and love for God. Above all else she loves and fears (respects and reveres) the Lord.

Proverbs 31:30

"Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised."

I wish I could go back and explain to little me, "You sing about those kitties and doggies, girl...but don't try to be the Pink Ranger. Pink isn't your color. It washes you out and future you doesn't want to fight Megazord every episode...and mostly, Tiff...there is someone who wants you the way you are now. You don't have to be anyone else in his presence. He loves your silly sense of humor and calm spirit and he wants you to experience true joy in him now and forever. Stay focused on him. Make him your bestie.

So, who I want to be...
Someone rooted in Christ. One who respects and fears the Lord. A woman who finds their value and joy in a life spent with her creator. No matter how many blessings or pitfalls. Above all else, one who praises him with all that she is.

Well,
That's all she wrote. :)

P.S. Would love to discuss, if you are interested in chatting. Feel free to comment below. Or chat in person.

 Love you all!
Tiff