The Ten Men to Avoid Online (Dating Red Flags)

Preface

I have been trying so hard to put myself out into the dating sphere lately. Too hard probably. I can admit that this act has provided me with my fair share of entertaining scenarios to laugh with my friends at endlessly, but it has also brought woes. By now I consider myself quite an expert dater. I have been dating for the last 14 years and I have a fair amount of learned experiences to share with you! Especially due to the evolution of the dating world. 

I began dating at 16, when boys would get your number from your friends and call you on the telephone. In college, it was all about the group of friends you spent time with and the male to female ratio of couples that could pair off. Beginning my career, dating shifted into the convenient yet completely anti social wave of  secretive online dating. Where individuals could pick mates from a list of photos and meaningless words...or of course you could just take your chances at the dive bar down the street...said no female ever. Now it's all about the dating apps. Supposedly they save from the shame of rejection, due to the mutual match technology, but really they add mass amounts of rejection to the act of meeting and dating multiple people at once because it is virtually impossible to get to know someone in depth using these shallow technologies.

All discussion henceforth are observations in this social experiment of dating online. Good luck, ladies. You'll need it.

Tonight's expert list is dedicated to the fellas waving those red flags loud and proud and even the ones waving them subtly. I know my single guy friends could write a 10 page essay on the topic of female red flags, but I'm not a guy...duh! So if that's what you want to read, write it your own damn self!
 Guy number one: The honest guy

Red flag: Is way too ok with disrespecting you. Denotes lack of goal setting, abhors change, probably narcissistic.

The honest guy will message you with a winky face gif. After a brief exchange of polite words, he will tell you how hot you are and express that he is honest and wants you to know he is looking for a hookup. Secretly, you're really grateful that he gave this information because it didn't waste your time, but don't be fooled. The honest guy thinks that being honest about about his intentions to use your body and not put in a single effort to get to know you somehow entitles him to the good guy role. I'll let you decide what you want on this one, but take his honesty at face value. He is telling you exactly what he wants. He is not an injured baby bird whose wing you can mend. Progression is his enemy and he already told you what he is in the market for!

Guy number two: The entrepreneur

Red flag: irresponsible, no financial security, difficult to make plans with

The entrepreneur is a fun guy to talk to. Not such a fun guy to date. You are excited by the idea of a dreamer chasing after his dreams and you just want to support and encourage him. Later you realize that "entrepreneur" meant he has no job and likes that. He has lots of great ideas...and that's what it's like dating him too. Today his great idea may be dating you, tomorrow his great idea may be playing "Magic the Gathering" at a convention in Ohio. In a month his new idea may be gambling his convention winnings to support that card game habit but he'll have money to spend on dates after his next paycheck. "The entrepreneur" lacks motivation for responsibility and basic work ethic. For the record, if he is truly a career entrepreneur, he will simply tell you what that current job entails. For example, if he is in the process of a small start up business, he can say those words to you! Just like I did just now. :) This career entrepreneur does not fall into the red flag category. Only the "tells you he is an 'entrepreneur'"does.

Guy number three: Shirtless selfie man

Red flag: shallow

Shirtless selfie man will take pictures of his abs to impress you. Shirtless selfie man will ask you to send him similar pictures of yourself. Shirtless selfie man is not looking for a long term committed relationship and doesn't care that Anne of Green Gables was your favorite childhood book. Does shirtless selfie man actually own a shirt that he can wear on a date with you out in public? Read the signs.

Guy number four: The Porsche guy

Red Flag: Elitist, insecure, money over values

The Porsche guy has a cool car. Lets all stand up and give him a round of applause. Congratulations on your achievement, good sir. The Porsche guy will post photos of his earthly possessions and probably link his Instagram with club pictures, vacations, fine dining and hot blondes. He is either a trust fund baby with no sense of the value of money or over compensating for his insecurities. He is impressed with his shallow achievements and wants you to feel the same way!

A financial secure, balanced adult man will talk more about people, relationships, work, faith, interests, hobbies...matters of substance over matters of luxury. I'm not bashing on the guys with good jobs. That's awesome that they are driven. But please, tone it down. Your red flag is the most obvious one to women with any shred of a motivation for relationships of substance.

Guy number five: Fishing for compliments

Red Flag: Insecure and annoying

Fishing for compliments will give you a loooooooooooooooooooot of compliments. He will interrupt the flow of semi interesting dialogue to reassure you that he likes how you look. When you don't pick up the social cues, he will lay down more hints....and more hints....and more still....until finally he will ask you what you think about his facial features. Fishing for compliments does not want you to respond with, "uuuuuuum....I don't know. You're decent."

One big lesson I have learned is that this is an area I need to grow in. Many guys don't mind reassurance. Just because words of affirmation isn't my love language doesn't mean I shouldn't look for opportunities to grow. Truthfully, I make an effort not to tell guys I like how they look. It's not usually that important to me...and most people don't look the same when you meet them anyway. I prefer to reserve the cringy flirting banter for opportunities when I can see facial expressions. That's simply my personality, though.

That being said, the person that wants you to constantly be reassuring them about how they look is a really exhausting person to be around. So again, choose your poison.

Guy Number Six: The airplane emoji

Red flag: Selfish, Playing Games

If you see the airplane emoji, it means he is traveling and bored. Ninety nine times out of a hundred he is looking for a fun hookup. I will shamefully admit that I have been the airplane emoji with good intentions before. When I was out of state visiting family, I wanted to see what the dating pool was like in other locations. I had no intentions of meeting or dating guys I spoke to. It was pure boredom and social experimentation.Guys, I'm sorry for what I did when I used the airplane emoji. It added unnecessary rejection and that sucks.

Guy number seven: One liners

Red flag: Lacks depth, poor communicator or denotes nonchalant attitude (lazy)

One liner guy is my all time favorite guy. I always fall victim to his path. Why? Sarcasm. I assume the best. We connect over wit, banter and occasional cynicism. I like it! But wait...I soon discover one liner guy doesn't really know how to have conversations....and he isn't great at communication. When his bio said, "I'm just looking for someone with small enough hands to reach under the couch"...you thanked Jesus for sending you your soulmate. When you couldn't make it past a few days of conversation because he  lacked the intellectual capacity to communicate on the same wavelength, you reassessed and realized that he probably was just too lazy to get off the couch and find what he dropped underneath. He was definitely too lazy to care enough to fill out his dating bio.

Girl, if you know who you are; don't be afraid to ask people to articulate themselves. This is a fair expectation.

Guy number eight: The "No Drama" guy

Red flag: Stoner and attracts crazy people

"No Drama Guy" is 420 friendly, has tats, wears Bob Marley shirts and expresses his distaste for dramatic females. He thinks he's warding off emotional women but he is really just attracting them. Why can't these men figure out that women are really susceptible to reverse psychology? We want to fix everything! We think everything is a challenge. We don't want to admit what's wrong with us either. Especially not to ourselves! We are perfect. We're gonna hide that from you for as many dates as we can. If you tell us you don't like drama, we will convince ourselves we aren't dramatic until you agree to go on a date with us and when you mention your 420 status we will passively aggressively hint at your need for more expansive hobbies. The women who are "no drama" women will not be attracted to men who characterize females in a derogatory manner. Save the drama for your own mama, Bob Marley, and splurge on a new t shirt.

Guy number nine: Rain check guy

Red flag: Workaholic, doesn't prioritize relationships, could foreshadow immaturity

Rain check guy isn't great at making plans. He wants to play it by ear. He cancels on you last minute, even after you spent an entire hour curling your hair with an actual curling iron this time. Rain check guy hurts my heart because he's almost always a really cool dude who just is too busy to date. There's no shame in that. Just don't take it personally when he cancels on you. Life gets busy. It's not a reflection on you. But realize that if he is too busy to honor plans he made for a first date with you, he's probably going to be too busy to have a relationship with you. You shouldn't wait around for guys like this. There are plenty of cool guys who would love to spend time with you. You'll find them, probably just not on a dating app. ;)

Guy number ten: Same hobbies, different values

Red flag: Different stages of life

Same hobbies, different values is the majority of guys you meet online. It's really important to know yourself and what you are looking for in a relationship because otherwise it's very easy to get side swept up into the game mentality of meeting many people and bonding over shallow things. You will end up dating someone who loves the same films as you and OMG they love Dustin O'Ohalloran too? What are the chances? FATE! Three dates later you realize he's a a serious agnostic, you forgot to ask that, and you're definitely not. He doesn't have the same goals in life you have. His current goals are: Matt's raging party on Friday night braaaaaaaahs. But you totally haven't gone to one of Matt's raging parties since you were 23. Your weekends are better spent at 3 year old's birthday parties, recuperating from your work week or meditating on your cozy porch whilst listening to relaxing mountain streams sounds. You've grown up. Your priorities changed. You might have the same interests, but you don't have a lot of activities in your current stages of life in common. Truthfully, you could date men who have no common hobbies but have real substance, goals and honor their words with you.

The ten men to avoid online will most likely be the ten men you date online. It's hard to avoid them. Always remember, that interacting online doesn't remove the personal connection and influence you have on potential mate's lives. You have a responsibility to be your truest self and to treat other people with the same respect you expect.

In other words, be nice!

and happy dating :)

Fire and the Child

T. Heath

Her warmth was seen by all
but none could touch her glowing soul

Not heeding warning,trusting blindly 

As a child, she ignored caution

And now she knows the dangers well

Her scars will tell of why she's cold


-----------------------------
The flames draw her in
Bold in color
Dancing, flickering 
What is this power?

This seduction
This defiance 
This mystery

Beautifully warming her soul
She gazes, eyes widened at the depth

Stretching her small hands nearby for warmth

Bringing life to her dank paw
The fire feels safe
Inviting
Good

She leans closer 
Mesmerized by the blaze 
Transfixing her

Curiously watching the light
She smiles at its energy

Her palm draws closer
The interest of this unknown
Convinces her of its safety 

What happiness this discovery lends

Her small fingers elevated 
As she delights in her new found friend

She touches the flame
--
And yelps!
--
Tears streaming down her face
Her curious fingers stung by innocence 

Changing direction
Opposite of the flames 
She escapes the panic 

Red and inflamed
She howls in pain and sadness

Fingers seared and bubbling
She cries out for her mother
To soothe and mend her injured hand

Into her mothers arms she runs
Comforting her trepidation

Cooling her daughters incinerations
The mother warns again

"Do not touch fire, child. It WILL burn you. Ouch!"

The child nods 
Understanding now the danger
The fear and terror

Of befriending the bad inferno

Will she play with fire again?

No
Her scars will remind her well













Sent from my iPhone

Walls

These walls. Built by man. In response to the shame and rejection we feel.

Were built to redeem us, but keep us captive to doctrine instead.

Protect us from evil but leave the rest of the world outside, dying alone.

Unite us, but divide from showing love to our neighbor.

Teach forgiveness, as we judge the world.

Are dangerous in the safety of man's interpretations.

What if the walls were torn down? Would we still meet? Would we still believe? If there were no divisions. Where everyone is invited into the family. 

One big family reunion.

Perhaps in heaven one day.  

Summer Sessions: Creek Week

Well, summer is in full swing now and Phoenix heat has been killer. At 115 degrees, it felt like a "beat the heat at the creek" week. Yay rhyming! Also, yay for living in a beautiful state with an abundance of places to visit when the heat starts climbing. In fact, we took a page from the heat and climbed into the car to spend the day visiting Beaver Creek, Church in the Rock, Sedona, and Oak Creek Canyon.

Wade on in with us...the water is cool and the sights are breathtaking.

First, we stopped at Beaver Creek for a quick dip of our toes.

Next, we trekked up a very steep hill and spent a few quiet moments at the Church in the Rock.

We ate lunch at the Wild Flower Bread company and it was packed! Apparently we weren't the only ones that enjoy a delish sand which on a sweltering summer day.

After lunch we visited some trade posts and marveled at  beautiful handmade Navajo jewelry crafted and sold by local artists near the creek. We are Chickasaw and my grandmother used to wear a Thunderbird necklace before she passed. Wearing one of my own has been a way that I have felt connected to her memory. I visited Sedona a several years ago with one of my best friends and found a Thuunderbird necklace which I loved (pictured below) and wore every day.

Sadly, I lost the necklace in one of my many moves. My pop and mom remembered how much I had loved the necklace and found a delicate replacement piece for me. I love it! Depending on the oral tradition you consult, the Thunderbird symbol has different meanings in Native American symbolism. The Thunderbird  can represent strength, provision, abundance, protection, and in some tribal tradition...the higher power...which is why the symbol is so meaningful to me. Carrying a reminder that God is always with me, has been a really beautiful experience.
Here is the new Thunderbird, which you shall see me in henceforth.

My pop insisted that I wear his hat. I know it looks like Ranger Joe...but I kinda dig it. So I took some selfies to commemorate my love for the hat.

Next, we strolled down to Oak Creek Canyon and spent the rest of our time swimming in the creek and meandering around some of the rocky trails. The water was perfect and we eventually found a cool, secluded spot to relax.

Our shady spot was too cool for school. That's funny because school is out. This was a dad joke.
 The sounds of the stream were bliss.

Mom enjoyed some beloved reading time.

 On our way home, dad did some modeling .

and I took more pictures of awesome.

The end. :)

Love,
Tiff

P.S. Here's a message from dad

Swimming in the Dating Pool of Rejection

Here's something you don't know about me. I get rejected. A lot.

Maybe it's my romanticized idea of love from that summer as a girl when I read the Christy Miller series in 3 weeks. Perhaps I'm just an optimist. No matter what my head tells me, my heart always leads. It tends to serve me decently with friends. It used to serve me well dating, as many guys I have been interested in used to be nervous to ask me out. It used to be an endearing trait about me. It has not served me well in my older age, though. It's left me with some nasty emotional scars and I'm kind of into the idea of not trying to hide them anymore.

When I was 16 and dating, everything was easy. Dating was fun. It was about getting to know someone's personality and seeing if you liked spending a lot of time together...and maybe more time together... and more and then maybe like idk, like the rest of our lives together? Kewlsies? K. Kewl.

Now, I know I'm lucky if I meet a single man...let alone one who is responsible AND trustworthy and the ... white buffalo... a Christian.... with a beard who will watch Grey's Anatomy with me?! Hahah Totally JK. I haven't watched that since college. I've heard it sucks now. ;)
*all the single ladies say amen*

Truthfully, the dating game later in life... We all come to the table with a lot more baggage. The baggage and hurt of failed relationships. Of mistakes. Of disappointments. Perhaps some good baggage. That have made you into the kind of human you are proud to be. Good baggage that has prepared you for your future, and perhaps some that has changed you for the better and brought you closer to God.

Nonetheless, it's a lot to get to know about a person. It is a lot of pressure. Dating isn't fun anymore. It's not about seeing an interesting film with a fun person. It's not about enjoying a good meal and a good conversation with good company. There's no art or beauty in the dating game anymore. It's a right swipe on a creepy app that if you play your cards right ends in "THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE AND YOU BETTER NOT SCREW THIS UP BECAUSE THIS COULD BE FOREVERRRRRRR. FOREVER! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Ya, totally no pressure. Right? ;)

All of this pressure, it leads us to make some pretty half hazard decisions. We do a lot of second guessing. We want to search through all of our options until we find the best one. Like we're buying a relationship. Gotta pick out the best one...and don't forget that warranty in case something breaks. You can trade it in for a new one! Wahoo!

Sneak preview-you've finally found the one you are looking for.... then, bam! Someone "better" by some of your ridiculous standards just walked by. What do you do? Are they really the one? Quick, get rid of the last relationship. Good thing you didn't put any "labels" on it. Made it easier to make a clean get away because in the end dating is all about finding the perfect person for you, right?

No, you idiot. Wrong. There is no perfect person for you. Every wedding I've attended where the bride and groom have worked that into their vows has made me want to ralph. There is no perfect person for you out there. Sorry to burst your happy little bubble. Actually, no I'm not. That bubble was fake and plastic and it kept you from some of the most meaningful and real relationships you could have ever had.

Any relationship that is built and centered on you is going to fail... and you are going to hurt very badly. Relationships are meant to glorify God. 

There is no perfect person for you, because there are no perfect people. If your dating intentions are to find the perfect person, then I hope you will be very happy with your single life! Haha

What my rejection has taught me... you will feel the need to reject others after enough doses of  unkind rejection. Perfection is hilariously impossible and there are the right kind of people to date and the wrong kind of people to date.

The right kind of people to date are the kind that display the attributes of love written in Corinthians. Thanks, Paul! The right kind of people to date are ones that prioritize relationships, accept personal responsibility and above all else, act with good character... Because they really believe what they say they believe.

These people are "right" because they are WILLING to work at having a successful relationship.

Immaturity is a subheading here because it can be temporary, but if it is constant... It is more likely a character issue.

The wrong kind of people fixate on passion, physical chemistry, they act extremely jealous,  are possessive, cheat, lie, are narcissistic, blame you all the time, play the victim. Sound familiar? These traits are wrong because they are not love, duh!

 You will not experience a healthy love when you date someone who exhibits these traits. You are setting yourself up for a miserable relationship... and no wonder you are always fighting!

All of this pressure makes us singles go a little crazy and do stupid stuff. You're going to mess up sometimes and if you have built a healthy relationship on the basics, you may be able to forgive each other and grow closer in your trust.

Dating should be fun, because the experience of getting to know others  is fun! We need to stop being so quick to reject everything that walks by that isn't "perfect". The best relationships are not perfect.

We need to take the pressure off of dating. A date is a a specific time and place you meet with someone. I go on dates with my grandma.! (Hi Nanny!) You can go on dates without marrying someone. There are different levels of relationships. Get over yourself and your fear of the word "date". You will never know if someone is the right or wrong type of person if you don't meet them at a specific time and place!

I can honestly say that the rejection has stung more from guys who turned me down for dates than it did for guys who I dated and just didn't click with. 

Relationships in our life aren't about just what the other person can give to you. It's a two way street. Enjoy the process of getting to know other singles and good grief, let yourself enjoy dating. Who knows, maybe you'll end up dating someone who it works out well with and then you'll like totally like each other and like spend more time together and like maybe the rest of your lives or something? And like Kewlsies? K. Kewl.

I hope this isn't blasphemous, but if I was God I would be all like, "MY CHILDREN, ENJOY DATING...TALK TO THE CUTE GIRL WITH GLASSES WHO READS AT JOBOTS...AND STOP USING TINDER... IT'S TRYING TO SELL YOU HUMANS. THAT IS SICK, MY CHILDREN. HELP STOP HUMAN TRAFFICKING! AND ALL THE MEN SHOULD GROW BIG BEARDS."
-God

But seriously folks. Be nicer to each other. It's a cold cold dating world out there. We need to huddle for warmth.

Love,
Tiff

Update

Hello friends.
For many of you, long time no see. Hope you're all well.
:)

I have been writing a lot lately but I've decided to keep much of it private as it pertains to some issues that are pretty close to my heart.

I'm thinking I'll write some more fluff and update from time to time. ;)

Life update

-I re-signed my teaching contract for the fall.
-Will be moving back Westside in August. Not so far north, though. This time around it will be Tiffany sans roommates. I'm really ready for this. But I'm kicking around the idea of adopting a puppy because my parents won't give me Charlie back. Wahhhhhhhh. I lervs him. (They lervs him too). Not sure what breed I'm keen on. It will need to be something apartment friendly. I'm leaning towards the pug route. How cute would I be, walking around with a weird breathing, fat little pug? I could name him Pugsly. Haaaaa. Actually, it could be Mr. Tumnus...or Julio....Julio Iglesias...
-I've written a new draft for a kids book...and I'm in it. ;) It's my favorite so far. Has a ways to go, though.
-I've laughed so much. You know those like hardcore belly laughs? Ya those. Lots of those have taken place...especially when speaking to 5 year olds or watching It's Always Sunny.
-I wore three pretty dresses in the last week. (The kids at school like the blue one the best. The little boys especially like the blue one.)
-The natural/wavy hair has made a comeback, because my hair isn't a happy camper and I just don't care anymore.
-My car still sucks and breaks down from time to time. My dad still awesomely helps me fix it.
-I spend a lot of time by myself. Sometimes it's good, sometimes I'm not a fan. I'm reminding myself that it's good to recharge and learn to be on your own. That way I can give more to the kiddos I work with and be a more pleasant Tiffany. Always needing people to sustain your happiness is exhausting and disappointing.
-I'm having panic attacks again but I'm dealing with them well this time.
-I meditate (clear my mind and pray) every morning and night. No matter what house I'm sleeping at.
-I ate a delicious turkey and avocado sandwich tonight.
-I've been singing and playing ukulele more. Not enough, though.
-I was a bridesmaid in Wolfe's wedding. She was a beaut!
-I'm happy at work. I've recently discovered how much I need my students and mostly...I'm just choosing to be happy in everything I do.
-I spend a lot of time with my family.
-I got to see my nephews and bro/sis law for a hot minute. Loved every second of it!
-Josh visited me this week. It was probably the highlight of my year. His friendship  is really important to me. I'm so thankful that there is another human that has shared a good portion of their life's memories with me. He knows me better than anyone else. I like hearing his big brother advice. --What's funny is, I forgot how good of a listener he was. Of course, he's the same silly, smart brother, but now that he's a husband and twice a dad...he's very grounded and I'm just so proud of him. He is one of the most loving people I know. Thank you for visiting me, Josh. It really meant a lot to me. I love you. If you haven't met my brother, you're missing out. :)
-I catch an episode of Catfish here and there.
- I liked the Tyler Oakley one.
-Also, I'm obsessed with Tyler Oakley.
-My next goal is to start having weekly coffee dates with myself again. I've stopped making it a priority since I've been nervous about bumping into certain people and not knowing how to interact.
-Social anxiety can suck it. I like  coffee and I like dating myself.
-That last thing I said. Yeah that. I've met some really awesome guys. My heart is being mended right now, though. I'm learning how to love myself. That's not a sad thing at all! It is the most beautiful thing because I want to be able to love someone the way they deserve someday (and that includes me being a whole me). I'm still up for dating, though. Just making wiser choices about who I give my time and heart to this time.
-I found a yummy vanilla almond milk creamer. It's bomb.
-Reading a lot of non-fiction on our Thoughts/Mind
-Been smelling like Marc Jacobs "Daisy" again.
-I haven't worn a cat shirt in forevs.
-Barf. I just wrote forevs.
-I'm sleepy now.
-*Yawn*
-I'm currently listening to "Pacific" by Sleeping at Last.
-Good night. Sweet dream, my friends!

:)

Tiff

Tiff's Annual Valentine's Day Rant:

I am so excited for all of my friends who are getting hitched. Loads of you are this year. Congrats! I love to see you happy and celebrate the beauty of the new chapter you are about to embark on! It is major bueno!

 It occurred to me today, by fall of this year...I will have been a bridesmaids 7 times over the last decade. *Moment of silence as Tiff realizes how old she is*
 I don't ever want to be one of those girls that whines, "woe is me"...."always a bridesmaid...never a bride" so instead, I'm taking this year back from complainy single girl town.

This year, I'm gonna put on some pretty dresses, gussy up, support some beautiful friends and bust out some sik dance moves. I'm going to take some time to be the healthiest me (maybe synonymous with the hottest me. You can all just call this my hot girl phase).
Hot Tiff will still wear cat shirts and glasses...but maybe it will be like..a sexy cat...wearing red lipstick.

Ha ha ha

Actually, hot Tiff will be the same exact Tiff that she is every other day. She just won't be shy about what she wants in her life. She will go and get it!
Ya! Go and get it, girl!
:)

I don't care about the silver lining this Valentines Day. I'm not going to just get through the day so I don't have to think about it.
I'm gettin' muh hair did! And I'll dress up pretty and maybe take myself out on the town.
Also, I'll be celebrating the life that I have. No matter what status I am. :)

Here are some lovely things I'm celebrating this year:
baby animals
flowers
warm fuzzy blankets
sweaters
curls
joy
hot tea
roadtrips
hugs
my family
folk music
laughing
dancing
upcycling
silly kids stories
Julian Edelman
singing harmony
cooking for other people
shouting so loud inside a cave that my voice echoes
making people smile
putting sweaters on my dog
convincing my nephews they are potatoes
beating the odds
sleeping a totally average amount so that I am refreshed for my day
pineapples
the history of jazz
burning candles
meeting new people
smelling good and stuff

and also, who wants to form a girl band with me?! This is a serious proposition. I need music back in my life.

Celebrate with me! What are some things you love about your life?

Every day should be filled with love, so I won't be wishing you a happy Vday this year. Enjoy your completely normal Saturday, everyone!

LOVE,
Tiff

Saturday Soundtrack: Wednesday Special

I've decided that I want to spend more time investing in what enriches my life.
I love music. :) This post is a throwback to my old Saturday Soundtracks (which I hope to revive). 

I ran across this band the other day and I am completely obsessed. They have a lovely little EP out and I am a sucker for dancey indie rock with a twist. The female lead has a unique quality in her voice which pleases my ears. It's a little bit folksy with a hint of soul.

Mostly though, listening to them invokes certain joy in my feet. They want to move! Put your dancing shoes on before you press play.

Without further ado, I present to you, Misterwives. Featuring the track I am particularly smitten with, "Reflections". Hang in here a minute or two. I'm going to give you three versions to give you an idea of why I enjoy them oh so.

First up is the pop-infused NY music video.

Their official music video takes place in some type of private school/boarding school scenario. They waste a lot of paper, something about detention, debate club and blah, blah, blah.

 If you're going to do a music video in uniforms, you better be Colin Meloy and it better be 2006. After all, Mindy has way better hair than Colin. It should be flowing in the wind as she runs through a colorful, magical land and belts this well articulated anthem of freeing yourself from unhealthy relationships.

 Instead, I bring you the NY Edition. I appreciated the breakfast club nod and found myself shaking my butt butt.




I've already made this version my ringtone and ringback tone. You're welcome. We will all enjoy this beauty when you call me. 

Next is the SXSW live version.


Last, and certainly not least, is my favorite version. More unplugged like the last, heavier on the acoustic and vocals.


I highly recommend checking out their Soundcloud.

https://soundcloud.com/misterwives

I tend to enjoy their more upbeat tracks such as Twisted Tongue, Money on My Mind, and Imagination Infatuation, but I dig Coffins, Vagabond and some of their slower jams as well.

If all is suitable to your ears, support their EP on itunes. It was definitely worth the purchase.

:) Love to you all
-Tiff

Shy Girl

I saw this the other day (Yes, I am subscribed to Yo Gabba Gabba and other Children's programming on Youtube ;) ). This feels like a pretty accurate description of my life. I love how creative this show is. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but watching it inspires me. I would love to work in a creative field like this some day.
Enjoy!


...and so she did. The end.
:)

Tuesday Thoughts: One true love?

This won't stop bouncing around the walls of my brain until I attempt to articulate it.

;)

This place exists...

One where you can be completely fulfilled by your creator.

You aren't waiting around for someone to arrive and save you from the mundane or your temporary world.

I've seen this quote floating around social media and heard it quoted by many folks, "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."

To live a life in wait for another to complete you? This seems awfully cruel. To not be allowed to experience the love and joy of your life, now. To wait an undisclosed amount of time in loneliness or social torment for someone else to validate your purpose or potential.

Whether you are single or already in a relationship/married to one that you struggle to connect with.

How can another person determine your happiness? Isn't it often the great love you possess for your significant other that leaves you vulnerable to the impact of immeasurable hurt caused by that same person? Does that mean they are not your true love?

Can I still experience true love and joy even if I never encounter the love of my life?

I believe, a resounding YES.

I have to remind myself that I don't believe in a God that values love in the same way that American society does.

He creates us with different capacities to love. Via C.S. Lewis-to experience love as affection (storge), friendship (philia), romance (eros),  and agape (unconditional love). 

In God, we experience all of these types of love. He is the one, true love of our lives...and he wants to have a close connection with us.

The story of his love for us is painted in the pain and infliction of human selfishness...and yet he is faithful to us. He is redemptive. He is love. 

He is constant.

 HE IS TRUE LOVE.

This place exists...where you can be in love with God and recognize your potential in him.Your ability to love is what completes you. Not who (in terms of people) you love.

You can experience different facets of love with those you encounter in your life.

In this place, you don't rest on the hope of a new relationship or the attention of others...and because of this, all relationships are a blessing to your life. Even in the struggle.

You are able to give more of yourself to others because through your intimacy with God, you learn the truest form of love... sacrifice.

 You don't have to worry over giving pieces of your heart away to be misused because the love that you give is not yours alone. It's rooted in Christ. It is not self centered and does not only pacify a need for company or affirmation.

Even when others let you down, or don't show up.

In your intimacy with God, you experience true love.

1 Corinthians 13:5-7New International Version (NIV)

"5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

And any relationships or friendships that enter your life are tangible ways of demonstrating the love you experience through your creator.

Love is 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 because it is God. Not because we have chosen the perfect people to build a life with.

I think this is why it's so important to experience God together in community, in family, in marriage, etc, etc. When we experience him together, we learn how to reflect true love to one another.

Ok, I'm done rambling. Haha :)

Peace and love!

Tiff

Reference:

1 John 4:7-10New International Version (NIV)

God’s Love and Ours

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Es el fin