The Ten Men to Avoid Online (Dating Red Flags)

Preface

I have been trying so hard to put myself out into the dating sphere lately. Too hard probably. I can admit that this act has provided me with my fair share of entertaining scenarios to laugh with my friends at endlessly, but it has also brought woes. By now I consider myself quite an expert dater. I have been dating for the last 14 years and I have a fair amount of learned experiences to share with you! Especially due to the evolution of the dating world. 

I began dating at 16, when boys would get your number from your friends and call you on the telephone. In college, it was all about the group of friends you spent time with and the male to female ratio of couples that could pair off. Beginning my career, dating shifted into the convenient yet completely anti social wave of  secretive online dating. Where individuals could pick mates from a list of photos and meaningless words...or of course you could just take your chances at the dive bar down the street...said no female ever. Now it's all about the dating apps. Supposedly they save from the shame of rejection, due to the mutual match technology, but really they add mass amounts of rejection to the act of meeting and dating multiple people at once because it is virtually impossible to get to know someone in depth using these shallow technologies.

All discussion henceforth are observations in this social experiment of dating online. Good luck, ladies. You'll need it.

Tonight's expert list is dedicated to the fellas waving those red flags loud and proud and even the ones waving them subtly. I know my single guy friends could write a 10 page essay on the topic of female red flags, but I'm not a guy...duh! So if that's what you want to read, write it your own damn self!
 Guy number one: The honest guy

Red flag: Is way too ok with disrespecting you. Denotes lack of goal setting, abhors change, probably narcissistic.

The honest guy will message you with a winky face gif. After a brief exchange of polite words, he will tell you how hot you are and express that he is honest and wants you to know he is looking for a hookup. Secretly, you're really grateful that he gave this information because it didn't waste your time, but don't be fooled. The honest guy thinks that being honest about about his intentions to use your body and not put in a single effort to get to know you somehow entitles him to the good guy role. I'll let you decide what you want on this one, but take his honesty at face value. He is telling you exactly what he wants. He is not an injured baby bird whose wing you can mend. Progression is his enemy and he already told you what he is in the market for!

Guy number two: The entrepreneur

Red flag: irresponsible, no financial security, difficult to make plans with

The entrepreneur is a fun guy to talk to. Not such a fun guy to date. You are excited by the idea of a dreamer chasing after his dreams and you just want to support and encourage him. Later you realize that "entrepreneur" meant he has no job and likes that. He has lots of great ideas...and that's what it's like dating him too. Today his great idea may be dating you, tomorrow his great idea may be playing "Magic the Gathering" at a convention in Ohio. In a month his new idea may be gambling his convention winnings to support that card game habit but he'll have money to spend on dates after his next paycheck. "The entrepreneur" lacks motivation for responsibility and basic work ethic. For the record, if he is truly a career entrepreneur, he will simply tell you what that current job entails. For example, if he is in the process of a small start up business, he can say those words to you! Just like I did just now. :) This career entrepreneur does not fall into the red flag category. Only the "tells you he is an 'entrepreneur'"does.

Guy number three: Shirtless selfie man

Red flag: shallow

Shirtless selfie man will take pictures of his abs to impress you. Shirtless selfie man will ask you to send him similar pictures of yourself. Shirtless selfie man is not looking for a long term committed relationship and doesn't care that Anne of Green Gables was your favorite childhood book. Does shirtless selfie man actually own a shirt that he can wear on a date with you out in public? Read the signs.

Guy number four: The Porsche guy

Red Flag: Elitist, insecure, money over values

The Porsche guy has a cool car. Lets all stand up and give him a round of applause. Congratulations on your achievement, good sir. The Porsche guy will post photos of his earthly possessions and probably link his Instagram with club pictures, vacations, fine dining and hot blondes. He is either a trust fund baby with no sense of the value of money or over compensating for his insecurities. He is impressed with his shallow achievements and wants you to feel the same way!

A financial secure, balanced adult man will talk more about people, relationships, work, faith, interests, hobbies...matters of substance over matters of luxury. I'm not bashing on the guys with good jobs. That's awesome that they are driven. But please, tone it down. Your red flag is the most obvious one to women with any shred of a motivation for relationships of substance.

Guy number five: Fishing for compliments

Red Flag: Insecure and annoying

Fishing for compliments will give you a loooooooooooooooooooot of compliments. He will interrupt the flow of semi interesting dialogue to reassure you that he likes how you look. When you don't pick up the social cues, he will lay down more hints....and more hints....and more still....until finally he will ask you what you think about his facial features. Fishing for compliments does not want you to respond with, "uuuuuuum....I don't know. You're decent."

One big lesson I have learned is that this is an area I need to grow in. Many guys don't mind reassurance. Just because words of affirmation isn't my love language doesn't mean I shouldn't look for opportunities to grow. Truthfully, I make an effort not to tell guys I like how they look. It's not usually that important to me...and most people don't look the same when you meet them anyway. I prefer to reserve the cringy flirting banter for opportunities when I can see facial expressions. That's simply my personality, though.

That being said, the person that wants you to constantly be reassuring them about how they look is a really exhausting person to be around. So again, choose your poison.

Guy Number Six: The airplane emoji

Red flag: Selfish, Playing Games

If you see the airplane emoji, it means he is traveling and bored. Ninety nine times out of a hundred he is looking for a fun hookup. I will shamefully admit that I have been the airplane emoji with good intentions before. When I was out of state visiting family, I wanted to see what the dating pool was like in other locations. I had no intentions of meeting or dating guys I spoke to. It was pure boredom and social experimentation.Guys, I'm sorry for what I did when I used the airplane emoji. It added unnecessary rejection and that sucks.

Guy number seven: One liners

Red flag: Lacks depth, poor communicator or denotes nonchalant attitude (lazy)

One liner guy is my all time favorite guy. I always fall victim to his path. Why? Sarcasm. I assume the best. We connect over wit, banter and occasional cynicism. I like it! But wait...I soon discover one liner guy doesn't really know how to have conversations....and he isn't great at communication. When his bio said, "I'm just looking for someone with small enough hands to reach under the couch"...you thanked Jesus for sending you your soulmate. When you couldn't make it past a few days of conversation because he  lacked the intellectual capacity to communicate on the same wavelength, you reassessed and realized that he probably was just too lazy to get off the couch and find what he dropped underneath. He was definitely too lazy to care enough to fill out his dating bio.

Girl, if you know who you are; don't be afraid to ask people to articulate themselves. This is a fair expectation.

Guy number eight: The "No Drama" guy

Red flag: Stoner and attracts crazy people

"No Drama Guy" is 420 friendly, has tats, wears Bob Marley shirts and expresses his distaste for dramatic females. He thinks he's warding off emotional women but he is really just attracting them. Why can't these men figure out that women are really susceptible to reverse psychology? We want to fix everything! We think everything is a challenge. We don't want to admit what's wrong with us either. Especially not to ourselves! We are perfect. We're gonna hide that from you for as many dates as we can. If you tell us you don't like drama, we will convince ourselves we aren't dramatic until you agree to go on a date with us and when you mention your 420 status we will passively aggressively hint at your need for more expansive hobbies. The women who are "no drama" women will not be attracted to men who characterize females in a derogatory manner. Save the drama for your own mama, Bob Marley, and splurge on a new t shirt.

Guy number nine: Rain check guy

Red flag: Workaholic, doesn't prioritize relationships, could foreshadow immaturity

Rain check guy isn't great at making plans. He wants to play it by ear. He cancels on you last minute, even after you spent an entire hour curling your hair with an actual curling iron this time. Rain check guy hurts my heart because he's almost always a really cool dude who just is too busy to date. There's no shame in that. Just don't take it personally when he cancels on you. Life gets busy. It's not a reflection on you. But realize that if he is too busy to honor plans he made for a first date with you, he's probably going to be too busy to have a relationship with you. You shouldn't wait around for guys like this. There are plenty of cool guys who would love to spend time with you. You'll find them, probably just not on a dating app. ;)

Guy number ten: Same hobbies, different values

Red flag: Different stages of life

Same hobbies, different values is the majority of guys you meet online. It's really important to know yourself and what you are looking for in a relationship because otherwise it's very easy to get side swept up into the game mentality of meeting many people and bonding over shallow things. You will end up dating someone who loves the same films as you and OMG they love Dustin O'Ohalloran too? What are the chances? FATE! Three dates later you realize he's a a serious agnostic, you forgot to ask that, and you're definitely not. He doesn't have the same goals in life you have. His current goals are: Matt's raging party on Friday night braaaaaaaahs. But you totally haven't gone to one of Matt's raging parties since you were 23. Your weekends are better spent at 3 year old's birthday parties, recuperating from your work week or meditating on your cozy porch whilst listening to relaxing mountain streams sounds. You've grown up. Your priorities changed. You might have the same interests, but you don't have a lot of activities in your current stages of life in common. Truthfully, you could date men who have no common hobbies but have real substance, goals and honor their words with you.

The ten men to avoid online will most likely be the ten men you date online. It's hard to avoid them. Always remember, that interacting online doesn't remove the personal connection and influence you have on potential mate's lives. You have a responsibility to be your truest self and to treat other people with the same respect you expect.

In other words, be nice!

and happy dating :)