Swimming in the Dating Pool of Rejection

Here's something you don't know about me. I get rejected. A lot.

Maybe it's my romanticized idea of love from that summer as a girl when I read the Christy Miller series in 3 weeks. Perhaps I'm just an optimist. No matter what my head tells me, my heart always leads. It tends to serve me decently with friends. It used to serve me well dating, as many guys I have been interested in used to be nervous to ask me out. It used to be an endearing trait about me. It has not served me well in my older age, though. It's left me with some nasty emotional scars and I'm kind of into the idea of not trying to hide them anymore.

When I was 16 and dating, everything was easy. Dating was fun. It was about getting to know someone's personality and seeing if you liked spending a lot of time together...and maybe more time together... and more and then maybe like idk, like the rest of our lives together? Kewlsies? K. Kewl.

Now, I know I'm lucky if I meet a single man...let alone one who is responsible AND trustworthy and the ... white buffalo... a Christian.... with a beard who will watch Grey's Anatomy with me?! Hahah Totally JK. I haven't watched that since college. I've heard it sucks now. ;)
*all the single ladies say amen*

Truthfully, the dating game later in life... We all come to the table with a lot more baggage. The baggage and hurt of failed relationships. Of mistakes. Of disappointments. Perhaps some good baggage. That have made you into the kind of human you are proud to be. Good baggage that has prepared you for your future, and perhaps some that has changed you for the better and brought you closer to God.

Nonetheless, it's a lot to get to know about a person. It is a lot of pressure. Dating isn't fun anymore. It's not about seeing an interesting film with a fun person. It's not about enjoying a good meal and a good conversation with good company. There's no art or beauty in the dating game anymore. It's a right swipe on a creepy app that if you play your cards right ends in "THE MOST IMPORTANT DECISION YOU WILL EVER MAKE AND YOU BETTER NOT SCREW THIS UP BECAUSE THIS COULD BE FOREVERRRRRRR. FOREVER! DO YOU HEAR ME?!"
Ya, totally no pressure. Right? ;)

All of this pressure, it leads us to make some pretty half hazard decisions. We do a lot of second guessing. We want to search through all of our options until we find the best one. Like we're buying a relationship. Gotta pick out the best one...and don't forget that warranty in case something breaks. You can trade it in for a new one! Wahoo!

Sneak preview-you've finally found the one you are looking for.... then, bam! Someone "better" by some of your ridiculous standards just walked by. What do you do? Are they really the one? Quick, get rid of the last relationship. Good thing you didn't put any "labels" on it. Made it easier to make a clean get away because in the end dating is all about finding the perfect person for you, right?

No, you idiot. Wrong. There is no perfect person for you. Every wedding I've attended where the bride and groom have worked that into their vows has made me want to ralph. There is no perfect person for you out there. Sorry to burst your happy little bubble. Actually, no I'm not. That bubble was fake and plastic and it kept you from some of the most meaningful and real relationships you could have ever had.

Any relationship that is built and centered on you is going to fail... and you are going to hurt very badly. Relationships are meant to glorify God. 

There is no perfect person for you, because there are no perfect people. If your dating intentions are to find the perfect person, then I hope you will be very happy with your single life! Haha

What my rejection has taught me... you will feel the need to reject others after enough doses of  unkind rejection. Perfection is hilariously impossible and there are the right kind of people to date and the wrong kind of people to date.

The right kind of people to date are the kind that display the attributes of love written in Corinthians. Thanks, Paul! The right kind of people to date are ones that prioritize relationships, accept personal responsibility and above all else, act with good character... Because they really believe what they say they believe.

These people are "right" because they are WILLING to work at having a successful relationship.

Immaturity is a subheading here because it can be temporary, but if it is constant... It is more likely a character issue.

The wrong kind of people fixate on passion, physical chemistry, they act extremely jealous,  are possessive, cheat, lie, are narcissistic, blame you all the time, play the victim. Sound familiar? These traits are wrong because they are not love, duh!

 You will not experience a healthy love when you date someone who exhibits these traits. You are setting yourself up for a miserable relationship... and no wonder you are always fighting!

All of this pressure makes us singles go a little crazy and do stupid stuff. You're going to mess up sometimes and if you have built a healthy relationship on the basics, you may be able to forgive each other and grow closer in your trust.

Dating should be fun, because the experience of getting to know others  is fun! We need to stop being so quick to reject everything that walks by that isn't "perfect". The best relationships are not perfect.

We need to take the pressure off of dating. A date is a a specific time and place you meet with someone. I go on dates with my grandma.! (Hi Nanny!) You can go on dates without marrying someone. There are different levels of relationships. Get over yourself and your fear of the word "date". You will never know if someone is the right or wrong type of person if you don't meet them at a specific time and place!

I can honestly say that the rejection has stung more from guys who turned me down for dates than it did for guys who I dated and just didn't click with. 

Relationships in our life aren't about just what the other person can give to you. It's a two way street. Enjoy the process of getting to know other singles and good grief, let yourself enjoy dating. Who knows, maybe you'll end up dating someone who it works out well with and then you'll like totally like each other and like spend more time together and like maybe the rest of your lives or something? And like Kewlsies? K. Kewl.

I hope this isn't blasphemous, but if I was God I would be all like, "MY CHILDREN, ENJOY DATING...TALK TO THE CUTE GIRL WITH GLASSES WHO READS AT JOBOTS...AND STOP USING TINDER... IT'S TRYING TO SELL YOU HUMANS. THAT IS SICK, MY CHILDREN. HELP STOP HUMAN TRAFFICKING! AND ALL THE MEN SHOULD GROW BIG BEARDS."
-God

But seriously folks. Be nicer to each other. It's a cold cold dating world out there. We need to huddle for warmth.

Love,
Tiff