I cannot express enough how much I truly do not want to write this blog...which is precisely why I am doing it. My goal in life is to always make myself do things that are good for me that I am strongly opposed to.
Chapter 1: WallFlower
Hello world, I am reserved...oops I mean Tiffany.
Hello world, I am reserved...oops I mean Tiffany.
On the contrary, anytime there is a something in my life that I spend a great deal of time praying about, I assume that I might just not be the only one that feels this way.
*Deep breath*
Hey you,
You're probably pretty cool.You are independent. You don't mind spending time on your own. You work hard. You find a lot of confidence in your creative ideas and perhaps a lot of fulfillment in the work you do. *High five*.
You may know confidently who you are and who you want to be. Or perhaps you sense a calling/purpose on your life that you are trying to figure out. You love fiercely and loyalty is a HUGE deal to you because you've been used and hurt by people closest to you, in the past. You don't find people very often who can live up to that loyalty.You like to spend a lot of time with others but struggle with letting others in on your real feelings, emotions, and desires.
Giving is easy. It's second nature to you. It's impossible for you to ask. You don't like to feel like you need people...mostly because you don't want to need people. You are angry when you discover that you honestly need people.
You may like to date around because you're too scared to let anyone get too close to your heart, but you want to be in a relationship. This way, when they hurt you...your world won't be over and you can scrape your pride off the ground because you didn't actually let them have all of it. Making friends is reasonably easy. Building lasting friendships frightens you because it means you have to live up to those unreasonably high expectations you have for other people.
You may like to date around because you're too scared to let anyone get too close to your heart, but you want to be in a relationship. This way, when they hurt you...your world won't be over and you can scrape your pride off the ground because you didn't actually let them have all of it. Making friends is reasonably easy. Building lasting friendships frightens you because it means you have to live up to those unreasonably high expectations you have for other people.
You are easily distracted with projects/hobbies/passions as a way of escaping the weight of your most important commitments in life.You love total strangers easily but struggle with loving yourself. You find yourself doing/saying things to keep people at arms distance because that's what you've known to be easiest for you.
You are a wallflower. You might have some trust issues. Ha. As I am heavily describing myself, I feel that I can be painfully blunt. Intimacy may be your struggle.
I had a dream 25 days ago (thanks iphone note documentation, *winky face*) that I was in a room full of friends who were all present with their families. I was the only one without one. I tried talking to everyone in the room but no one could hear me. All of the people in the room were chasing their kids and talking about their families. I tried talking louder and louder, but no could hear me. I felt so alone.
I cried when I woke up.
Wooh. Depressing, eh?
And honest.
That dream really shook me. I try really hard not to feel this way. I surround myself with activities, hobbies, jobs, people, opportunities that I hope to bring me fulfillment. I never EVER want to be a whiny, complainy, naggy girl. I try not to be jealous of others. I'm truly happy for them. I'm an optimist at heart. I like to have a lot of funnnnn. I'm almost always with friends, the fam, at work or numbing my mind with netflix, social media, music or redic entertainment. It's just never enough.
As humans, we were created for companionship. We have a natural need and desire to be wanted and loved. It's not selfish or pathetic. It's intended, by God. Don't question it, butthead. ;)
It should reflect the relationship that God wants us to have with him.
As humans, we were created for companionship. We have a natural need and desire to be wanted and loved. It's not selfish or pathetic. It's intended, by God. Don't question it, butthead. ;)
It should reflect the relationship that God wants us to have with him.
I have known some pretty strong callings on my life since I was 6 or so. I am a nurturer. I am called to take care, protect, love and teach confidence to ( a to be determined people group).
Also, in my present reality... some of these opportunities may have been taken from me, made difficult /delayed, are patiently waiting in a far off land of make believe, or may not actually be in God's plan for me.
I have a hard time understanding this reality and find myself misplacing my frustrations for the unknown with anger at God.
Also, in my present reality... some of these opportunities may have been taken from me, made difficult /delayed, are patiently waiting in a far off land of make believe, or may not actually be in God's plan for me.
I have a hard time understanding this reality and find myself misplacing my frustrations for the unknown with anger at God.
At the apex of these frustrations, I always push away from God and distract myself with bad choices. Go figure. The only being in the entire universe that can actually fulfill me. In my anger and sin, I know that I will drive a wedge in my pursuit of a relationship with him. This is a very natural occurrence for me...and you know....it's ok.
God still wants me, even when I allow my selfish pride to usurp my life.
All that being said,
What are some ways to strengthen intimacy with God and others?
-Admitting to God when I'm an idiot. Bigger yet, admitting to God when I need his help. Even bigger, asking God for his help...still bigger, allowing God to help....wait for it......asking other people to pray for me. (I failed at this today, so don't think that I have actual life applied wisdom in this area yet).
-Reading my Bible as often as possible. Starting with an author/time period/book of the Bible that I am interested in and reading an entire chapter at a time, IN CONTEXT. Summarizing the main points and the overall message of the passage. Looking for themes or ways that the passage can be applied in my life/as the church. Study habits that help me pull meaning from very confusing, old timey language. Don't pretend like you understand the Bible the first time you read it either, liar! ;) Also, rereading those same scriptures throughout the week and reflecting on any new meaning you discover.
If you can, read it with friends. Someone always points out at least a few things that I miss. Discusssssss :)
-Prayer time. Throughout the day. Like talking to a friend. Talking to him about others and intervening for them. Telling him my thoughts, dreams, hopes. Learning to trust him once I have gone to him in prayer.
Prayer time with others. Oh yesssss....awkward prayer time. Get in on that!
Prayer time with others does not mean we all need to hold hands and take turns flashing our prayer warrior stripes. It can be calling a friend on the phone and praying for them. Gathering together in the same room and praying silently, etc.etc...or my personal favorite....letting someone else pray out loud while you silent agree with them. Ha ha ;)
-Hang out with buds and talk about Jesus.
Also, hang out with enemies and talk about Jesus.
Also, make your enemies your buds. (Tell me when you've mastered that one. Cause I haven'r figured that one out yet.)
-Live in community. Ahem...commUNITY. No man is an island, brah. Sure have fun and party. But allow people into your life. Invite them to your home. Talk to them about your day. Ask them about theirs. Hug them. Preferably for more than 8 seconds...also, pet their hair and say strange things like, "pretty pretty".
-Serve others. Watch their babies, send them a sweet note/text. Jump their crappy cars for them (thanks, guys :D), give to those in need: time, love, food, shelter, cheesy jokes, joy.
Make friends with one new person every week. Pray for that person.
LET OTHER PEOPLE SERVE YOU. (I will try harder to let down the walls on this one).
-Worship God. In your life. In your actions. The way you treat other people. The things you set your mind on. In musical form. Sing your heart out of that's the way you do it. Danceeeeeeee. Make a joyful noise. Maybe this one, "Yippppeee!". :P
-Love others. People are going to let you down every now and then. You'll let them down every now and then too. Learn to forgive and apologize. Build trust with one another. Don't build walls when someone messes up. Help them up. God will always be there to carry you when you need it the most.
-Laugh a lot. Laugh at yourslef. Laugh with others. Laugh at others...(Today I rang the quiet bell at school and this kid started doing his happy dance (little country jig) with 4 pencils in his hand. He stabbed himself in the eye with one and shouted, "OWWWWW! My eye! Miss Heath, MY EYYYYYE!". Laughter might have escaped me prior to attending to his need.. Or maybe just watch Jim Gaffigan or Zach Galifinakas. That's a pretty solid perscription. :P
-Enjoy this day. Rejoice in this day. We aren't promised tomorrow. Live it up!
I shall leave you with this,
Iphone note written 16 days ago,
I went to a birthday party for a friend's son today. My mind was a little lost in the conversation about childbirth and breast pads for a few minutes. However, I closed my eyes for a second and realized that I was in the same scenario that I had dreamed about the other day. Only, I wasn't sad AT ALL. My heart felt really full and I was happy to be surrounded by so much love. Thank you God for loving friends to share life with.
:)
Hey friends, pray for me. Ok?
Also, let me know, in message or in person, how I can pray for you.
Tiff
