Tiff's Annual Valentine's Day Rant:

I am so excited for all of my friends who are getting hitched. Loads of you are this year. Congrats! I love to see you happy and celebrate the beauty of the new chapter you are about to embark on! It is major bueno!

 It occurred to me today, by fall of this year...I will have been a bridesmaids 7 times over the last decade. *Moment of silence as Tiff realizes how old she is*
 I don't ever want to be one of those girls that whines, "woe is me"...."always a bridesmaid...never a bride" so instead, I'm taking this year back from complainy single girl town.

This year, I'm gonna put on some pretty dresses, gussy up, support some beautiful friends and bust out some sik dance moves. I'm going to take some time to be the healthiest me (maybe synonymous with the hottest me. You can all just call this my hot girl phase).
Hot Tiff will still wear cat shirts and glasses...but maybe it will be like..a sexy cat...wearing red lipstick.

Ha ha ha

Actually, hot Tiff will be the same exact Tiff that she is every other day. She just won't be shy about what she wants in her life. She will go and get it!
Ya! Go and get it, girl!
:)

I don't care about the silver lining this Valentines Day. I'm not going to just get through the day so I don't have to think about it.
I'm gettin' muh hair did! And I'll dress up pretty and maybe take myself out on the town.
Also, I'll be celebrating the life that I have. No matter what status I am. :)

Here are some lovely things I'm celebrating this year:
baby animals
flowers
warm fuzzy blankets
sweaters
curls
joy
hot tea
roadtrips
hugs
my family
folk music
laughing
dancing
upcycling
silly kids stories
Julian Edelman
singing harmony
cooking for other people
shouting so loud inside a cave that my voice echoes
making people smile
putting sweaters on my dog
convincing my nephews they are potatoes
beating the odds
sleeping a totally average amount so that I am refreshed for my day
pineapples
the history of jazz
burning candles
meeting new people
smelling good and stuff

and also, who wants to form a girl band with me?! This is a serious proposition. I need music back in my life.

Celebrate with me! What are some things you love about your life?

Every day should be filled with love, so I won't be wishing you a happy Vday this year. Enjoy your completely normal Saturday, everyone!

LOVE,
Tiff

Saturday Soundtrack: Wednesday Special

I've decided that I want to spend more time investing in what enriches my life.
I love music. :) This post is a throwback to my old Saturday Soundtracks (which I hope to revive). 

I ran across this band the other day and I am completely obsessed. They have a lovely little EP out and I am a sucker for dancey indie rock with a twist. The female lead has a unique quality in her voice which pleases my ears. It's a little bit folksy with a hint of soul.

Mostly though, listening to them invokes certain joy in my feet. They want to move! Put your dancing shoes on before you press play.

Without further ado, I present to you, Misterwives. Featuring the track I am particularly smitten with, "Reflections". Hang in here a minute or two. I'm going to give you three versions to give you an idea of why I enjoy them oh so.

First up is the pop-infused NY music video.

Their official music video takes place in some type of private school/boarding school scenario. They waste a lot of paper, something about detention, debate club and blah, blah, blah.

 If you're going to do a music video in uniforms, you better be Colin Meloy and it better be 2006. After all, Mindy has way better hair than Colin. It should be flowing in the wind as she runs through a colorful, magical land and belts this well articulated anthem of freeing yourself from unhealthy relationships.

 Instead, I bring you the NY Edition. I appreciated the breakfast club nod and found myself shaking my butt butt.




I've already made this version my ringtone and ringback tone. You're welcome. We will all enjoy this beauty when you call me. 

Next is the SXSW live version.


Last, and certainly not least, is my favorite version. More unplugged like the last, heavier on the acoustic and vocals.


I highly recommend checking out their Soundcloud.

https://soundcloud.com/misterwives

I tend to enjoy their more upbeat tracks such as Twisted Tongue, Money on My Mind, and Imagination Infatuation, but I dig Coffins, Vagabond and some of their slower jams as well.

If all is suitable to your ears, support their EP on itunes. It was definitely worth the purchase.

:) Love to you all
-Tiff

Shy Girl

I saw this the other day (Yes, I am subscribed to Yo Gabba Gabba and other Children's programming on Youtube ;) ). This feels like a pretty accurate description of my life. I love how creative this show is. It's certainly not everyone's cup of tea, but watching it inspires me. I would love to work in a creative field like this some day.
Enjoy!


...and so she did. The end.
:)

Tuesday Thoughts: One true love?

This won't stop bouncing around the walls of my brain until I attempt to articulate it.

;)

This place exists...

One where you can be completely fulfilled by your creator.

You aren't waiting around for someone to arrive and save you from the mundane or your temporary world.

I've seen this quote floating around social media and heard it quoted by many folks, "One day someone will walk into your life and make you see why it never worked out with anyone else."

To live a life in wait for another to complete you? This seems awfully cruel. To not be allowed to experience the love and joy of your life, now. To wait an undisclosed amount of time in loneliness or social torment for someone else to validate your purpose or potential.

Whether you are single or already in a relationship/married to one that you struggle to connect with.

How can another person determine your happiness? Isn't it often the great love you possess for your significant other that leaves you vulnerable to the impact of immeasurable hurt caused by that same person? Does that mean they are not your true love?

Can I still experience true love and joy even if I never encounter the love of my life?

I believe, a resounding YES.

I have to remind myself that I don't believe in a God that values love in the same way that American society does.

He creates us with different capacities to love. Via C.S. Lewis-to experience love as affection (storge), friendship (philia), romance (eros),  and agape (unconditional love). 

In God, we experience all of these types of love. He is the one, true love of our lives...and he wants to have a close connection with us.

The story of his love for us is painted in the pain and infliction of human selfishness...and yet he is faithful to us. He is redemptive. He is love. 

He is constant.

 HE IS TRUE LOVE.

This place exists...where you can be in love with God and recognize your potential in him.Your ability to love is what completes you. Not who (in terms of people) you love.

You can experience different facets of love with those you encounter in your life.

In this place, you don't rest on the hope of a new relationship or the attention of others...and because of this, all relationships are a blessing to your life. Even in the struggle.

You are able to give more of yourself to others because through your intimacy with God, you learn the truest form of love... sacrifice.

 You don't have to worry over giving pieces of your heart away to be misused because the love that you give is not yours alone. It's rooted in Christ. It is not self centered and does not only pacify a need for company or affirmation.

Even when others let you down, or don't show up.

In your intimacy with God, you experience true love.

1 Corinthians 13:5-7New International Version (NIV)

"5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. "

And any relationships or friendships that enter your life are tangible ways of demonstrating the love you experience through your creator.

Love is 1 Corinthians 13:5-7 because it is God. Not because we have chosen the perfect people to build a life with.

I think this is why it's so important to experience God together in community, in family, in marriage, etc, etc. When we experience him together, we learn how to reflect true love to one another.

Ok, I'm done rambling. Haha :)

Peace and love!

Tiff

Reference:

1 John 4:7-10New International Version (NIV)

God’s Love and Ours

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

Es el fin

Rejected!

I wanna talk about rejection.

Discussing this topic is tricky without exposing yourself to the risk of more of it.

But I think it'll be worth it. :)
----------------------------------------
We've all experienced forms of it.

Job interviews, friendships, dreams, lost relationships, closed doors, etc, etc.

That sinking moment, when you have finally had enough courage to put your heart on the line and expose a notion or possibility that you deem worthy of risking...and that idea is rejected. Passed up. Overlooked. Not wanted.

Incapable of tears, you are initially shocked that you actually pushed yourself to be brave and was met with a big, "no" sign. Just keep moving and distracting yourself and it might not be so bad...Until  one day it hits you like a ton of bricks.

You are human. You have real emotions and feelings and every now and then you will have to experience them. No matter how strong you are. Feeling the effects of a rejection does not mean you lack confidence or worse....that you really are as worthless as your rejection led you to believe.

Sometimes that rejection is brought on by timing, or life circumstances. Often is it accompanied by insecurities or fear. Occasionally it is plainly, you. You that is not desired by another. Ouch.

The source of that rejection may try to cushion your fall. It may tell you that you are cool after all, or you seem like you could be a qualified candidate, give you a "it's not you, it's me" speech and send you on your way. Society often likes to send the message that rejection is less painful if the whole truth is not revealed in one punch.

What I want to say on this topic is as follows, rejection hurts.  It has a serious way of messing with your head and if you allow it to, it feeds the lie that we sometimes tell ourselves. The untruth that we are not good enough. That we weren't enough for that opportunity or person. That something is wrong with us and thus we are not worthy of any dreams/hopes/opportunities/thoughts/ relationships/love.

The hurt of rejection can cripple us if we allow it. However, it can also be used to steer us away from unhealthy opportunities or situations. It may take a minute to grieve (and sometimes a minute is much more substantial amount of time) but eventually that sinking feeling will fade.

It will fade when you allow yourself to see past the few choices that you've allowed for yourself. Maybe when you find new jobs to apply for, a new hobby to foster your passion, when you don't have to see that person that hurt you anymore, and maybe when you wake up and remember that you were actually wonderful all along...and sometimes others don't recognize that. This is not an open commentary on why others don't see our potential...because honestly....who cares?!  That's their problem to sort out. They just don't. The opportunities and people who don't recognize our potential aren't the kind that will support us and help us grow.

Gotta let it go. It's alright to be sad for a time. It's normal. It's natural and inevitable. But then, pick yourself back up and take yourself out. Treat yourself with love and not disdain because there will be other BETTER opportunities and people who WILL RECOGNIZE YOUR POTENTIAL. Some of them may already be around you and perhaps you haven't recognized them yet.

The truth is, you're great. You're swell and the you you are is the you that you should be. You are enough because, "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 1 Corinthians 12:9.

Embrace the possibilities. There are many to be had.

And when you're on your way, working on new opportunities, something else will find you and embrace you like you deserved all along...and I think that will be worth it...and you may be thankful that that prior situation rejected you because it wasn't best for you after all.

You're worth it and you always will be.

The end.

Tiff Loves Kids (on prayer and walking with God)

I held my youngest nephew in my arms tonight as he slept. I stared at his perfect little nose, long eye lashes and gently kissed the palms of his tiny little hands as he rested peacefully on my chest. My eyes welled up with tears as I held him. I love him so much. Even after experiencing being an aunt for the first time with my first nephew, I didn't know I could love another person this much. 
Especially one that is not mine.

I'm around kids all the time. I have a big family with lotso little ones running around, I teach Kindergarten through 2nd grade, volunteer in kids church and I often watch friend's kids so they can get a break every now and then. I'm cool with the kiddos. They're easy for me to relate with...and honestly, I just feel a strong sense of belonging with kids that I don't find with adults.

Because I'm around kids all the time, I've found that I need to put up some pretty high emotional walls so that I don't feel the full capacity of loneliness, later on. I have a strong desire to nurture kids and help them feel wanted. I've always known I would teach children that they are loved, important and capable. I just haven't always known what capacity that would take place in.

 At school, there have been a few kids, over the years, with difficult home lives that have said to me they wished they could live with me. I can't explain the joy this has brought my life. To know that there is a kid out there who sees some potential in me. That they think I would do a good job of taking care of someone else. That they love me and would trust me to take care of them. It's also a little disheartening. Mostly for the kid. I wish the best for all of my students. Also, a little for me. To know that after taking care of other people's children almost every day, I go home to a kind of lonely life on my own. 

I've accepted it and it's not all bad all the time, but I think a lot of women will understand this. For some of us, we just don't care that much about living a life for ourselves. We find great worth and identity in using our gifts to take care of someone else. 

I know I'm not the only woman who has found herself in this place in life. I'm not the type of girl who needs to be married with kids. I like taking care of myself most of the time and I'm not willing to put up with a guy that doesn't know how to value a partnership and healthy Christ-centered relationship. It's hard for me to even be in a relationship with a person, let alone allow myself to consider starting a life with someone...and I'm 27 and I'm not getting any younger, hah. Dating and relationships often leave me feeling even more lonely than when I am not with someone. That may be a result of my shy personality or dating the wrong type of men. I also believe, that it has been God trying to get my attention. Encouraging me to draw closer to him.

Ya know, there's a type of lady that drives me crazy. It's that baby crazed female who is on a mission to land a man and reproduce to finally reach the apex of womanhood. Why does this type of female bother me? Maybe it's the ounce of feminist in me, or for obvious reasons, haha; but maybe also because as much as I wish I couldn't...I do actually understand a smidgen of how she feels. To be confused as to why God places a desire in your heart that physically you are reminded of constanly...and may not be able to fulfill...and I have to say... this has made me angry for a long time.

Holding my sweet nephew tonight, I was reminded that I don't want to be a woman who hides the incredible love in her heart from the little ones in her life that God has blessed her with. My littlest nephew, he needs more people in his life to love him and support his parents. An aunt who will pray for him, encourage him, and be there for him if he ever needs me... and this is a very precious role that God has blessed me with. I hope I'm a decent aunt to him, cause I'm the only one he has! ;)

Maneuvering this season (whether it be temporary or permanent in my life), I am understanding this. Happily ever after does not start after. You have to live in it now. Some days may be glowing with love and fulfillment, while others may be a little hard to get through. It's ok to be sad. It doesn't mean that you are weak or aren't worth as much as others who have these things in their life. Never stop talking to God. He cares for you.

I've been praying more lately. Because even though it's easier to shut your mind off at the end of the day and not think of things that have bothered you or made you feel sad...it's healthy to talk with God about it and leave it at his feet. He is with you always and created you in love to have companionship with him. He wants a personal relationship with you.

This Psalm is a really beautiful reminder of our relationship with God. I'm challenging myself to read this daily. As much as we convince ourselves, trying to hide our hearts from God only hurts us. He already knows us better than we know ourselves anyway!
-His hand will guide us everywhere we go. Even the darkness will not be dark to him. The night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to God. He is all powerful. We can trust him to know us and take care of us.-

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
5 You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.

13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts,[a] God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.

19 If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

Goodnight, friends!
Hope you're taking care of yourselves. :)

When Kindergartners Wash Feet: John 13:14-15

I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet. So you also should wash one another’s feet. I have given you an example. You should do as I have done for you. - John 13:14-15

I love this so much. Sometimes the greatest act of love and discipleship is being willing to serve in humility.

I've been reflecting this week on what makes an effective and strong leader at work, with my family, and with friends. It's difficult not to speak out when you feel it is your place. For me, I find this especially challenging when I see someone I care about hurting or being taken advantage of. This usually doesn't end well, though. Instead of rectifying the problem for the person being wronged, it sometimes draws more attention to their problem and escalates it for them. So what if instead of setting others straight, we find an opportunity to serve those in the wrong? Being the example isn't always advising them how to fix things. It's showing them how to love one another.

Today a kindergartner came up to me during stations and said that a little girl stole his glue and wouldn't give it back.
FYI: This kid tells on everyone for everything. With the little guys, I try to encourage them to solve problems with each other by acknowledging the problem (apologizing) and fixing it (showing each other that they will respect them in the future). Sometimes this needs to be accompanied by a consequence when their will overpowers their desire to learn a lesson. ;)

 Well, to be honest....I'm just getting tired of making everyone apologize to this kid all the time. Kids want justice so bad. Their little bodies scream, "Must...Receive...Justice...For...All...Wrong...Doing." Plus, the little girl has a very hard time getting along with others.

When he came to me to right the wrong, I told him, "I'm sorry buddy... Why don't you try forgiving her today?"
This kid looked at me like I was bat sh** crazy. "What?" he replied. "But she took it. It was mine and she took it Miss Heath! She won't give it back. Can you tell her to give it back?"

"That wasn't cool, friend. I'm sorry that happened to you....Do you think you can forgive her? She needed some glue and she didn't get it the right way, but maybe you can help her by showing her how to share. Try using good manners with her, ok?"

Unsatisfied, the little boy walked with crossed arms back to his table and stood next to the little girl .He stared at her for a while (he is a stubborn one). Finally after watching her use the glue for another minute, he said,  "I forgive you for taking my glue." (Reluctantly)

I giggled.

The little girl stopped her cut and glue project, looked up at him and said, "oh ...sorry." She handed him the glue but he gave it back to her!
 "Can I use it when you're done?" He said. *Triumph for good manners!* "Ok!" She said with a smile.

and don't you know...they shared that glue for the rest of the project.

:)

Of course, adult life is just a little more complex than letting someone who stole your glue use it first, but does it have to be?

Maybe that little girl will share her glue tomorrow. Maybe she won't. If I want her to learn to be a person that understands what sharing and loving means, she needs to encounter some love and forgiveness in her path. I don't think this is foreign to adult life. ;)

Love knows no record of wrong. It never fails.


REFERENCE:

John 13:1-17

New International Version (NIV)

Jesus Washes His Disciples’ Feet

13 It was just before the Passover Festival. Jesus knew that the hour had come for him to leave this world and go to the Father. Having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

2 The evening meal was in progress, and the devil had already prompted Judas, the son of Simon Iscariot, to betray Jesus. 3 Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God; 4 so he got up from the meal, took off his outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around his waist. 5 After that, he poured water into a basin and began to wash his disciples’ feet, drying them with the towel that was wrapped around him.
6 He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”
7 Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
8 “No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”
Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”
9 “Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and my head as well!”
10 Jesus answered, “Those who have had a bath need only to wash their feet; their whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.” 11 For he knew who was going to betray him,and that was why he said not every one was clean.
12 When he had finished washing their feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place. “Do you understand what I have done for you?” he asked them. 13 “You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 14 Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. 15 I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you. 16 Very truly I tell you, no servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. 17 Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them.

When You're Sad...

To the person out there who struggles with anxiety/depression,

This one is for you.

(Practical advice to myself and some I love)

Read me when you're sad, laying in bed, and cannot find the courage to face the world today.

Insert your name here,

YOU HAVE TO GET UP TODAY because you have a purpose.

You are loved by an almighty God. He made you in his image and for a reason. Some days sad thoughts will overwhelm you. Talk to Jesus when they do. He tells us to take captive every thought in obedience to God. Do not let the lies of negative thoughts and sadness steal the purpose God has for you. Do not hold your sadness inside and evade it. This is a recipe for anger and pro-longed resentment.

 Be guilt free, feeling this way is not your fault or sinful. Life has a way of hitting hard. I know he is quiet sometimes, but God cares for you. It's ok to be transparent in prayer. He already knows your thoughts and heart. You can admit if you are  feeling broken. He sees your beauty no matter the state our lives are in. Emotions can be deceiving, but you can always cast your burdens on Jesus...for he cares for you. For those of us who struggle with depression and anxiety, do not let other Christians make you feel ashamed or void of faith for experiencing low days. On these days, remember the truth above all else. You are very very important to Him. You are not being punished. You are extremely worth the journey to health.

 Never give up. Every day that you choose to get up, make breakfast, watch birds out the window, call a friend, go to work, venture to the grocery store, smile at a stranger... is a triumph. 

Be triumphant today.If you fail some days and give into the sad thoughts, it's alright. Every day is new. :)

Talk to someone you can trust. This may be a counselor, friend, mentor or Pastor. Don't feel like you owe everyone in your life an explanation. Not all friends are able to be this for you and may not give healthy advice. Love always protects, trusts and hopes. Many people you love may not understand this sadness. It's not because they don't care, they may not have a point of reference.
Surround yourself, however, with people who support you in the positive changes in your life. Negative friendships feed the sadness and can  trigger negative cycles more than you may realize. If I'm a person in your life you trust, hit me up. I'm a decent listener and all personal information stays that. I'd love to be a person like this for you.

Acknowledge what is bothering you so you can take captive your sad thoughts and rebuild them on the truth. This is actually a very important step in cognitive behavioral therapy. Identifying the negative thought, negating it and identifying the truth so you can establish healthy thinking patterns. Try not to only focus on the pain. Instead, hug someone, laugh, smile, create, run, sing and praise God that you are his. Sometimes  big life changes are not on the horizon. Quitting your job, moving, restoring your heart from a breakup, etc, may take a lot longer to pass. You do not need to figure out how to change everything today. All you need to know today is this, GOD wants to be your purpose and can be your cause if you let him. Even on those sad days.

Live a healthy lifestyle. It will have big impacts on your life.

Mindless entertainment and social media may numb these feelings for a while, but they are not healthy ways of dealing with issues that trigger your sadness in the long term.
Take some time to figure out what things make you feel the most alive. Spend more time on these things.

 It's never too late to learn something new. Spending time doing things that make you feel happy will fuel you into making positive changes later on down the line. 

Eating healthy, exercising regularly, volunteering for service projects, helping someone in need, having good routines and taking some time to organize your life a little so that chaos does not overwhelm you will help. It's difficult to hold your head above water when you are feeling overwhelmed. You may have to learn to take a few steps back. THIS IS HEALTHY. Friends and family may not completely understand this, but if you live in panic mode...you will tear those relationships apart without realizing it.

Always remember,

You are not alone. You are loved. You are precious. You have a purpose. Everyday that you choose to get out of bed is a triumph!

If you love or know someone who is struggling with anxiety or depression, hug them when you see them. Listen to them without judgment. They may not always need your advice either. Talking to someone who can  listen objectively (a counselor, etc) may be the most helpful for them anyway. Companionship can do wonders for the heart, though. Encourage and support their passions, dreams, loves. Dance with them, listen to music with them, laugh with them. Don't push them too hard when they need more time. Some days, will be like this. Let them know you love them and you care. They will know they can trust you when they are ready.

(To that special someone that was this for me, your compassion changed my life. It fueled me to keep going.The nights we went to shows, talked about Politics, God and Russel Brand were some of my most hopeful times.You were and continue to always be there to talk to about big or small things...Thank you for understanding that my failures were just missteps and encouraging me to keep going. I love you more than you will ever know.)

Peace and love,

Tiff

Life Update: May

Hi world,

There's nothing on my mind pressing enough to type into this text box. Instead, I'll take a minute to life update you. Ha! Actually, that shouldn't take more than a few seconds. ;) I haven't actually seen very many of you lately. Wish I knew if that will change soon.

Currently I am...

-Working lots.

-Lots.

-Deciding, exploring, searching for new places to live (including the decision of whether to stay West Valley, live with roommates, possibly relocate more central, or...dun dun dun... push myself into grad school out of state. This will most likely take longer to convince myself to do).

-Sleeping. (not cutesy napping, hardcore passed out  at 6:00 p.m. from exhaustion)

-Exploring new places in Phoenix, alone. (not sad. Extremely rewarding and confidence building).

-Singing lullabies. I've missed that. I would really love to write a few of my own...which leads me to...

-Writing really awful, sad poetry...this always seems to cycle back and pay homage to The Private Eyes, though. I can only be serious for so long.

-Actually choosing to read fiction over non-fiction. (I've needed something mindless to distract me). Currently reading Shadow Spell by Nora Roberts.

-Drinking coffee in new places.

-Introducing myself to total strangers and allowing myself to be vulnerable to the possibility of new friendships,etc, etc.

-Hugging (Charlie).

-Watching BBC's " The Paradise" on Netflix.

-Praying more. Reading devotionals less. Banning myself from Relevant for a while.

-Listening to Iggy Azalea and thugging out, white girl style with my windows down in my car.

-Dreaming of new ventures with my bestie. (My favorite update :D)

-Longing for big changes.
-Kicking around the idea of being a Cooperating Teacher for a Student Teacher next year. Big girl status!

-Running. Watch out boys. Workin' on that hottie body. (This is a joke)

-Visiting H&M too frequently...*shame shame, Tiffany*
-Wearing less makeup. Actually, generally I feel I've tipped the cute scale back a few notches. This is A-Ok with me. More time to sleep. :D

-Oh yeah, and I also switched Fabric Softeners to Downy Infusions, Honey Flower. Riveting. I know.

Meh, that's pretty much it.

Only a few weeks of work left. This summer, I'm not letting myself let loose and party hardy. I've got too many important things I need to focus on to make life easier/more enjoyable this next year.

Alrighty, I'm peacing out.

Love to you!

Tiff

He is there.

I wrote down some of the specifics of this in an iPhone note when I woke up this morning. I didn't ever want to forget.

Dream Log

4/19/2014

Wow. 

Last night I dreamt vividly of fears that have weighed on my heart for years. The panic of being trapped in these scenarios woke me throughout the night.  Made restless and not wanting to fall back to sleep into these nightmares; each time I closed my eyes and drifted away, my mind took me back to a place I didn't want to be. (My dreams betray me. Though, I can distract myself during the day, my thoughts and worries are often made real in my state of rest.) Sadly, I was unable to conquer any of my fears in these dreams.

One by one, these situations played out poorly and I could feel myself losing control, slowly in my sleep. On some level of understanding, I was aware that I was sleeping but I couldn't wake myself up enough to escape my thoughts. I lost myself in my fears at some point in the night and remember feeling scared and sad that I was repeatedly defeated.

 Before I woke up for the last time, I recall dreaming that I was standing on a tall  mountain away from all of the bad. When I looked down, I could see images of the chaos and fears of my life. However, the sun was beaming on my back so strongly and I could literally feel God with me. I knew that he was real and was really with me. No fears existed on that mountain. 

What a special promise.

Sin and fear can creep into your mind, but God's love and peace surpasses all of this if we allow him into our lives. He is all you need. His grace is sufficient for you.

I've been a Christian a long time. Not always a good one. Often a pretty foolish one. I still experience times in my life when I have a really hard time connecting with God. In times when my fears and sin overwhelm me, I don't understand how to talk with God. I push him away. I lose that intimate connection with him, and view him as an entity in the sky. 

God, thank you so much for this dream.

Even when I suck at relationships (mainly with you), you love me. Your peace reigned over my thoughts and reminded me that you are great. Your grace covers all of my sin.

No other words are needed.

He is there.

Goodnight friends, 

Love you all :)

Tiff